On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
