Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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