I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
