Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
