that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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