He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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