sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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