This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
