I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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