No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
