Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
