my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
