Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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