you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
