Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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