this is something i pride myself on being below average for
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
