shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
