my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
