I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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