Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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