it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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