I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
