How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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