i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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