life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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