You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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