it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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