i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
