I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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