I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
the raccoons are back...
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