I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drunk is not a location!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
