it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize