yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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