Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
