THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
