all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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