I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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