What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
