i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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