yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
