Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
