it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
