His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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