When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This house was built for laser tag.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
