i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
