out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
