it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
