She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
