OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
