got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
