Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize