you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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