can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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