Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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