I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
