no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
