as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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