I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize