What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.