so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
