I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night