take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
