She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for