So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.