You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
