I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
