Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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