Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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