I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
