Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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