omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
