We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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