Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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