she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
