Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
