Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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