Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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