My first STD was from a foam party
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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