what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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