and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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