he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
