i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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